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Archive for February, 2011

My father, my angel.

Sadness, and happiness all in one. Tomorrow will be 2 years since my dad became an angel. There are so many emotions that I can’t even begin to explain how I feel. There are moments when I feel sad, and moments where I have memories that make me laugh. Time has passed, and I miss him no less than the day he died.

His life touched mine so deeply. His love was truly unconditional. There is so much that I wish I could say to him…so much I wish I could show him. So much I wish I could ask him….and how I long to hear his voice, or hear him play a song on the piano…or see him look at me with those proud eyes. He always made me feel so special, and beautiful. He made me feel like I was the only person in the world when he listened to what I had to say. He never said ‘not now’, instead he would say, ‘hold on a minute, because I really want to hear what you are saying’. I loved that.

While my dad is gone, I truly believe he is our angel. There have been a few instances in past couple of years that lead me to believe this wholeheartedly.

I just miss him, and today, am letting myself remember all the wonderful things about him, and I am letting my tears flow. There are too many occasions in life where we have to hide our emotions, and today is not one of them.

I miss you dad….but when my Kaeden wakes up…I will see your eyes. When Isaiah gets home from school, I will see your hands, feet, and nose.  And when Kai gets home from school, I will see your heart, and spirit….and when he practices the piano tonight, I will hear the beautiful sounds that you used to play.

I love you dad, and am so blessed to have had you in my life for as long as I did.

My sister sent me this letter to my dad today…we all truly miss him.

Dear Dad,
How time flies! It’s already been 2 whole years since you went home to be with God. My thoughts are always with you, I will love you forever.. Thank you for leaving me your wonderful legacy.. The patient, kind, thoughtful, considerate father that you were to me. I see your heart in mom when I’m feeling down, I hear your laughter in my brothers and sisters, I see your look of admiration in all 3 of my children.. What a beautiful gift you left for me, from the time I was a twinkle in your eye.
As tears run down my face, I want you to always know that no day will ever erase you from my heart or my mind.. I love you, Dad, I miss you very much.. Until we dance again!!!!!
Love your dear daughter,

Having kids sometimes brings you right back….

Jeff and I were sitting at the kitchen table with the boys, making a grocery list, when Kai asked for us to buy a very specific, VERY sugary cereal…which Jeff proceeded to write on the list. I looked at him, then at Kai, then back at Jeff….. “hmmm”

This brought us both WAY back to our own experiences of when we were little. Kai asked Jeff what kinds of “treat cereals” Grandma Knight would buy him. We both got the biggest smiles on our faces remembering our childhood years. Jeff reminisced about eating Frosted Flakes. FROSTED FLAKES!!??. HA!

Growing up at our house was fantastic, but with 2 brothers, and 2 sisters, in a very modest household, with an EXTREMELY frugal mom…I shared my own experience of never even seeing a brand name cereal box enter our house….my mom made most things from scratch. Our lunches were usually something that went into a thermos, with carrot sticks, an apple and usually some kind of baked good….(funny how we turn into our mothers) how I longed for that twinkie being eaten by my best friend…and yes, we often traded snacks. Her being  jealous of my baked goods, and me just longing for something that came out of a box. LOL.

Jeff told Kai his stories of bringing stewed peas for lunch (traditional Jamaican dish) and his childhood friend bringing crackers, and about how they couldn’t wait for lunch to share their yummy goodness.

I worry as a mom, about feeding my kids healthy food, making sure they are stimulated enough by doing extra curricular activities, and I worry about doing ‘enough’ so that they have fond memories of childhood….but you know, I think they’ll be just fine, and will definitely have stories of their own…

So you know what? That sugary cereal that Kai put on the list, will get to stay there this week…maybe 25 years from now, I’ll be privy to some of the same conversations, and experiences we shared at our kitchen table on this snowy day.

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