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Something Oprah said in her last show really rang true for me, and helped me understand even more, what a fantastic man my father was. Everyone needs validation. Do we really listen when others talk? Do we really see each other? I know in my heart that my dad listened to me, and heard every word I spoke. He really saw me.

So even though my dad is no longer around physically…through the magic of television, I am once again reminded of the wonderful blessing that was my father. Claudius Brown. I will strive to take the time, and to really listen to my loved ones. To really hear, and to really see them. People are to be cherished and loved.

Thank you Claudius Brown, for living this, and being this. I am STILL learning wonderful lessons through your legacy…..lol…and through watching Oprah!! ūüôā

Today….


Today would have been my dad’s 73rd birthday.

Mixed feelings today. Happy that my father is no longer suffering, but sad that he is not here to see all that has happened in the last couple of years since his passing.

He would have been so amazed to see his grandchildren…they are all growing so big, and 3 of his grandsons are already taller than he was…he would have gotten a kick out of that…though, I am sure he is looking down with a big smile.

My dad loved McDonalds….he loved a good burger. He loved to watch beautiful sunsets, enjoyed listening to great jazz music, and enjoyed anything having to do with art. Today, I plan to do all of these things in his memory.

Just taking a minute today to honour and remember you dad. Your kind eyes, and warm smile. You will always be in my heart.

Precious moments….


Easter was particularly special for me this year. Lately, as a mom, wife, sister and just me, I have been feeling very challenged. Having kids is such a blessing, and to raise them properly, I feel as though I would like about 40 hours a day….and still then, I am sure I would feel like I need more time…

There are 5 siblings in my family, and we do not get to see each other all together, as often as I would like. Easter Saturday was so special. We were all together, and even though, our one on one time was limited, the pictures in my mind will last a lifetime. I took the time to sit and watch, and to see each and every one of our own children interact with each other. Family is such a blessing.

I listened to stories of my oldest nephew’s impending adventures….all the while, remembering him as our ring bearer in our wedding, at the tender age of 4. Now he’s 19 and off to China. I listened to my mom’s adventure stories of her cruise and, I watched as my brothers reconnected…all the while, enjoying my own exchanges with precious family, hearing how my dad would have laughed, and feeling his presence and love…

On Sunday, we had a tremendous visit with my sister-in-law, and my second mom and dad. Seeing how the kids eyes light up when they see their grandparents, is special beyond words. Good food, great conversation….perfection.

What I enjoyed most about this weekend is the time we all spent just ‘being’. Doing the things we enjoy, not rushing off anywhere, and just reconnecting as a family. With so much to do in everyday, ordinary life, it is nice to stop.

I am in love with each and every one of my family members, and blessed that each one is a part of my life. I am happy, and feel blessed, that every once in a while, we get the chance to slow down enough, to take note of these precious moments…

A calm mommy minute….


For the most part, our lives right now, are pretty chaotic. Soccer, Karate, Gymnastics, Piano, and a whole lot of other ‘have to do’s’. For the most part, we are always coming and going, and coming and going…but today, for a few minutes…all was calm. It was pretty spectacular. Middle mini, and little mini, were sitting at the table playing nicely with play-dough, as I was making dinner.

In our busy lives, I long for these simple, calm moments, where everyone is happy, and content. I’m going to figure out how to fit many more of these into daily life, or rather, how to take note of, and enjoy these minutes.

Time is precious.


11 years ago today, I became a mother for the first time, and my heart exploded. Kai is wonderful, magnetic, full of creativity, and has an ‘old soul’. It’s so hard to believe that being a mother, and having a son can bring you so much bliss, joy, and so many opportunities for growth. He teaches me something every day.

Looking into his face, I see so much. I see who he will be in 20 years. Kind, gentle, loving, and passionate about so many different things. LOL. Thinking about him makes me laugh. He’ll also need his morning coffee before he gets going in the morning.

When I look in his eyes, after he’s scored a goal at soccer, I see pride.

When I look in his eyes, when he’s hurt himself, I see pain.

When I look into his eyes when he’s discovered something new, I see wonder.

Sometimes, when I look at him, after I’ve yelled at him, I see disappointment and hurt. As a mother, you never want to see that look in his eyes, but this teaches and reminds me to have a soft voice with him.

When he looks at me, and I look at him, I feel love. As his mother, I want us to always look at each other with acceptance. There is so much to see, and learn, when you look into someone’s eyes. He teaches me to be a better mother through his gentleness and thoughtfulness.

Our beautiful boy is 11 today. I look forward to the many years of wonder to come.

Happy birthday to our beautiful son Kai.

My father, my angel.


Sadness, and happiness all in one. Tomorrow will be 2 years since my dad became an¬†angel. There are so many emotions that I can’t even begin to explain how I feel. There are moments when I feel sad, and moments where I have memories that make me laugh. Time has passed, and I miss him no less than the day he died.

His life touched mine so deeply. His love was truly unconditional. There is so much that I wish I could say to him…so much I wish I could show him. So much I wish I could ask him….and how I long to hear his voice, or hear him play a song on the piano…or see him look at me with those proud eyes. He always made me feel so special, and beautiful. He made me feel like I was the only person in the world when he listened to what I had to say. He never said ‘not now’, instead he would say, ‘hold on a minute, because I really want to hear what you are saying’. I loved that.

While my dad is gone, I truly believe he is our angel. There have been a few instances in past couple of years that lead me to believe this wholeheartedly.

I just miss him, and today, am letting myself remember all the wonderful things about him, and I am letting my tears flow. There are too many occasions in life where we have to hide our emotions, and today is not one of them.

I miss you dad….but when my¬†Kaeden wakes up…I will see¬†your eyes. When Isaiah gets home from school, I will see¬†your hands, feet, and nose.¬† And when¬†Kai gets home from school, I will see your heart, and spirit….and when he practices the piano tonight, I will hear the beautiful sounds that you used to play.

I love you dad, and am so blessed to have had you in my life for as long as I did.

My sister sent me this letter to my dad today…we all truly miss him.

Dear Dad,
 
How time flies! It’s already been 2 whole years since you went home to be with God. My thoughts are always with you, I will love you forever.. Thank you for leaving me your wonderful legacy.. The patient, kind, thoughtful, considerate father that you were to me. I see your heart in mom when I’m feeling down, I hear your laughter in my brothers and sisters, I see your look of admiration in all 3 of my children.. What a beautiful gift you left for me, from the time I was a twinkle in your eye.
 
As tears run down my face, I want you to always know that no day will ever erase you from my heart or my mind.. I love you, Dad, I miss you very much.. Until we dance again!!!!!
 
Love your dear daughter,
 
 
 
Nic
 
 

Jeff and I were sitting at the kitchen table with the boys, making a grocery list, when Kai asked for us to buy a very specific, VERY sugary cereal…which Jeff proceeded to write on the list. I looked at him, then at Kai, then back at Jeff….. “hmmm”

This brought us both WAY back to our own experiences of when we were little. Kai asked Jeff what kinds of “treat cereals”¬†Grandma Knight would buy him. We both got the biggest smiles on our faces remembering our childhood years. Jeff reminisced about eating Frosted Flakes. FROSTED FLAKES!!??. HA!

Growing up at our house was fantastic, but¬†with 2 brothers, and 2 sisters, in a very modest household, with an EXTREMELY frugal mom…I shared my own experience of never even seeing a¬†brand name cereal¬†box enter our house….my mom made most things from scratch. Our lunches were usually something that went into a thermos, with carrot sticks, an apple and usually some kind of baked good….(funny how we turn into our mothers) how I longed for that twinkie being eaten by my best friend…and yes, we often traded snacks. Her being¬† jealous of my baked goods, and me just longing for something that came out of a box. LOL.

Jeff told Kai his stories of bringing stewed peas for lunch (traditional Jamaican dish) and his childhood friend bringing crackers, and about how they couldn’t wait for lunch to share their yummy goodness.

I worry as a mom, about feeding my kids healthy food, making sure they are stimulated enough by doing extra curricular activities, and I worry about doing ‘enough’ so that they have fond memories of childhood….but you know, I think they’ll be just fine, and will definitely have stories of their own…

So you know what? That sugary cereal that Kai put on the list, will get to stay there this week…maybe 25 years from now, I’ll be privy to some of the same conversations, and experiences we shared at our kitchen table on this snowy day.

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